The Chronicles of George, Page Two

Incomplete error messages are George's specialty. I love figuring out what the hell he's talking about almost as much as I like autocircumcision.

Yeah, and I need a George recovery.

Hmmm. I'll have to check with the boss—I don't think we have any more licenses for Microsoft Wizard.

That's his official diagnosis, by the way. No error messages, no description, just "hay wire". Perhaps I've seen too many movies, but when I read that a computer is going "hay wire", I immediately think that the damn thing has grown arms and is flinging office supplies at people.

Ah, yes, quike player. He's actually talking about Apple's QuickTime Player.

Someone else needs quike player. No one has yet corrected George.

Another quike player. After this, I think we all went into the Helpdesk room and beat George unconscious.

But does it sync correctly?

Okay. Sure. I'll go ahead and whip that upgrade right out. I'd rather just upgrade the damn thing than try to troubleshoot whatever the hell is wrong with her doubling-up laptop.

Look, it's a guessing game! Does he need Access? Does he need the Microsoft Network? Does he need access to the Microsoft Network? Or is it something else entirely? I don't know! No one knows! Woo hoo! THE FUN NEVER ENDS!

I made check if I brought my LART today. I might have to havening use it.

Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. Either way, I've got to go down there and figure out what's wrong myself.

Ah, see, and that's the joy of George. Every ticket is a new adventure. Opening up ext? Ext what? Extensions? External programs? External e-mails? I sure don't know. I'm going to go weep now.

They want you to stick what, where, how many times?

Damn. It don't do nothing at all. I better call Cooter, the Amazing Phone Mechanic and Exterminator.

The descriptions I get out of this guy are amazing. This has got to be one of the most lucid, informative helpdesk tickets in the history of mankind.

Almost fifty tickets later, I'm still trying to figure out "havening". Where the hell did it come from?

Ah, yes, the dreaded security exercution alert box. And no matter what you do, it keep on coming backup.

Damn. If I got error messages like this, I'd set my computer on fire and run from it, screaming. And, could "excuration" have anything to do with the previous ticket's "exercution"?

Yeah, this person's e-mail isn't the only thing that's kind of slow.

I'm not going to do it, and you can't make me. No, seriously, you can't make me, because that doesn't make any damn sense.

Wonderful. Fortunately, since I brought my Magic Telepathic Helmet today, I don't need any more of a description than this.

I wonder if he asked the user to press CTRL-ALT-DEL on the scanner to reboot it.

What is it with George and the word "quike"? Apparently, the beating we administered did not help.

Must...not...kill...self...

But apparently it moves side-to-side. She must have saids that too.