The Chronicles of George, Page Five

I would rather you not think, George. It's only going to get the whole department in trouble.

We're going to play a little game. That game is called "I'm going to beat you until you learn that some of the developer guys have Linux on their development boxen, and Linux is not Windows." Does this sound like a fun game? It does? Good! Here we go!

Scope of support? What's that? Why don't I just install Unreal Tournament on everyone's computer and we can play a massive freaking game on our corporate LAN? I bet our ping times would be SWEEEEEET.

Yes, George, pictures are pretty, but what about the WORDS in that little box with the yellow triangle?

It's not his method I'm making fun of here—in this case, his troubleshooting is actually adequate—but rather the method by which he explains the troubleshooting.

Microsoft 2000, eh? I'll have to look this up in Technet...

I remember this ticket. The luser in question wanted to take his digital camera from home and bring it to work, then move a picture on it of himself standing with his wife and children onto his computer, and then use that picture as part of his e-mail signature. George failed to filter this ludicrous request.

What amazes me about this ticket is that the referenced program is an in-house app we have, and EVERYONE uses it (including George). In spite of this, he treats it as if he's never heard of it before.

Stuff That's Supposed to Happen, Part IV: Welcome to Windows.

Sure, why not? I'm handing the damn things out like candy!

Okay, George, I'll play your game: why IS she working on her computer?

Looks like I need to inform George about procedure for going throught the web base.

Please tell the lusers to keep their tools OFF of their computers. This is a family establishment.

This would have turned out better if George had remembered the Cardinal Rule of Technical Support, which goes thusly: "Verily, thou shalt not take unto thine heart any words spoken by the Luser, for I say unto thee, their mouths spout naught but excrement."

Problem descriptions longer than just a few words are obviously not George's forte.

No input on this one, George? No ideas? No troubleshooting at all? Kill him, Terrel! Now!

They're called "commas," George, and they want to be your friend.

Sure, why not? I'm sure this guy doesn't need to do any work anyway. Why don't I take his phone while I'm at it?

Okay. Does this person want a new computer, as well? What about a new desk? Hell, while I'm at it, let's go ahead and move 'em into a corner office! Approval? We don't need no stinkin' approval!

"And you didn't show him how to do it because...?", Part One

"And you didn't show him how to do it because...?", Part Two

He must really need Project 2000.

Hmmm. This is kind of like saying, "User's arm has been severed. I had her spray antiseptic on her feet, but bleeding did not stop."

This database hosts hot talk about current cow and goat issues.

Did you have him try the other knob? The one marked "Brightness"?

I wonder exactly what he reinstalled and then uninstalled. I wonder if it was important.

What kind of problem is he havening? Are the e-mails bouncining?

I don't think George realizes that when people want additional equipment, there's a procedure that must be followed. I should have requested some more RAM from George, too...